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  • Walter's Blog.
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  • Introduction
  • About Walter
    • 1980 Joining Up - Grafton Street >
      • Arrival and First Impressions
      • First Week
      • Training
      • Passing Out
    • Yaumati Cowboy >
      • Getting on the Streets
      • Tempo of the City
      • Jumpers, pill poppers and the indoor BBQ
      • Into a Minefield.
    • Why Tango in Paris, when you can Foxtrot in Kowloon? >
      • Baptism By Fire
      • Kai Tak with Mrs Thatcher.
      • Home; The Boy Returns
  • 1984 - 1986
    • PTU Instructor & Getting Hitched
    • Having a go: SDU
    • Starting a Chernobyl family
    • EOD - Don't touch anything
    • Semen Stains and the rules
  • 1987 to 1992 - Should I Stay or Go?
    • Blue Lights, Sirens & Grenades
    • Drugs, Broken Kids & A Plane Crash
    • 600 Happy Meals Please!
    • Hong Kong's Best Insurance
    • Riding the Iron Horse
  • Crime in Hong Kong
    • Falling Crime Rates - Why?
    • Triads
  • History of Hong Kong Policing
    • History 1841 to 1941
    • History 1945 to 1967
    • Anatomy of the 50 cent Riot - 1966
    • The Fall of a Commissioner.
    • History 1967 to 1980
    • Three Wise Men from the West
    • The Blue Berets.
    • The African Korps and other tribes.
    • Getting About - Transport.
    • A Pub in every station
    • Bullshit Bingo & Meetings
    • Godber - The one who nearly got away.
    • Uncle Ho
  • Top 20 Films
    • 2001 - A Space Odyssey.
    • The Godfather.
    • Blade Runner
    • Kes
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    • Aliens
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    • The Life of Brian
    • Dr Strangelove.
    • Infernal Affairs
    • Bridge on the River Kwai.
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    • PTU
    • Contact
    • Saving Private Ryan
    • Family Guy Star Wars
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Walter's Blog

"But how can you live and have no story to tell?" Fyodor Dostoevsky
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Reflections on recent events, plus the occasional fact free rant unfiltered by rational argument. 

"If you want to read a blog to get a sense of what is going on in Hong Kong these days or a blog that would tell you wh at life was like living in colonial Hong Kong, this blog, WALTER'S BLOG, fits the bill."  Hong Kong Blog Review

8/1/2023 1 Comment

The Clown Prince

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"...you know you've gone and screwed up when the Taliban and a former British Army Colonel can issue a joint statement essentially saying you're a bell-end!"
By now, we all probably realise that Prince Harry is not the brightest button in the box, and indeed he may well be a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Nonetheless, for clarity and to help this young man resolve some of his trouble, I have set a quick test that even he should be able to complete. Readers are welcome to try their luck.

Question 1: You want privacy and to receive less attention from the media. Do you:

(a) Keep your mouth shut.

(b) Go on the TV to slag off your family, attack the media and then write a book spelling out all your gripes while admitting to losing your virginity in a field behind a pub to an older lady. ( I hear all the blokes shouting, "Fair play, lad!") Let's not forget the frost-bitten penis and talking to a rubbish bin while on drugs. 

Question 2: You are concerned about your family's safety now that royal protection is withdrawn, given that you no longer do any hand waving, ribbon cutting or other arduous royal stuff. Do you:

(a) Keep your mouth shut.

(b) Write a book admitting blasting a load of Taliban to bits, thereby painting a target on your back and on that of your wife and kids.

Question 3: You want to reunite with your brother and father. Do you:

(a) Keep your mouth shut and tiptoe behind the scenes for a rapprochement. (Somebody get Harry a dictionary.)

(b) Reveal to the world that you and your brother had a minor scuffle, which you lost and he broke your favorite necklace, and he didn't want you as his best man; while at the same time you slag off Dad.

Question 4: You want to be taken seriously. Do you:

(a) Keep your mouth shut.

(b) Admit that you've been in contact with your dead Mum in the spirit world. 

Question 5; You want to be a stand-up bloke, one of the team and a leader. So when the military police turn up to drug test everyone at your base. Do you:

(a) Stay and follow their request for a urine sample.

(b) Jump in your car, flee to London and avoid the test.

So, how did you do? Answering (a) is good. All I'll say is that the first rule of holes is that when in one, stop digging. 

Of course, in a world of traditional moralities, the Pretender Harry would raise a small army of foreign mercenaries, land on the Norfolk coast, and march on London to try and usurp King Charles. William would sally forth to deal with him.
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Harry would be defeated somewhere in the East Midlands, hacked to death and buried under a car park near RAF Wittering. With Megan exiled to a convent in the Yorkshire Dales, she spends the rest of her days writing letters to her supposed supporters, who hand them over to MI6.

Having defeated Harry in battle, William would spend several days in sincere mourning, then move on. To settle the affair, the Archbishop of Canterbury declares the Pretender the bastard offspring of a common cavalryman. So we all lived happily ever after, and the Daily Mail has nothing to write about. Now, that's the Netflix series I'd pay to see!

But instead, these days, Harry is more likely to arrive with a multitude of therapists, woke advisors and Oprah giving a running commentary. That shouldn't be too hard to defeat; call them by the wrong pronouns, remove their safe spaces, and they'll meltdown. Then, while they undergo group therapy, overrun the lot.

Anyway, you know you've gone and screwed up when the Taliban and a former British Army Colonel can issue a joint statement essentially saying you're a bell-end! Maybe someone can have a word with the lad, preferably without his wife present.

I'm sure there is position for a court jester, now that Uncle Andrew is sidelined. Harry should be a perfect fit.
1 Comment
Chris Emmett
8/1/2023 06:54:52 pm

I have a lot of sympathy for Harry but I must admit to chuckling all the way through this piece. One criticism: as a resident of the Yorkshire Dales, I suggest banishing Megan to London.

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    Walter De Havilland was one of the last of the colonial coppers. He served 35 years in the Royal Hong Kong Police and Hong Kong Police Force. He's long retired. 

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