The Unbrave New World Of Dating

"According to a recent Reuters report, 50% of young men said they prefer dating AI companions because they fear rejection."

K, the main character in Blade Runner 2049, is a replicant — a bioengineered human — tasked with eliminating other rogue replicants. In a profound twist, this artificial man seeks comfort with an AI companion. 

It's a strange concept. Yet, this futuristic world is not just a creation of a screenwriter's mind. It is a reality that is unfolding around us, transforming the whole landscape of dating, romance, and companionship in ways we're only beginning to understand. 

Back in my day, the dating scene was a time of trial and error, a period when you matured a bit, took a few knocks, and moved on. Occasionally, you'd get lucky and some girl would go out with you. You'd learn to look for the right signs, the signals: eye contact, a smile, maybe she'd laugh at your antics. 

As a teenager, her mates would act as interlocutors: "My mate fancies you." Sometimes, the girl would make the first move. Walking home from school in the dark, a girl grabbed my hand, sending an electric shock through my body. We shared a quick kiss at her garden gate (don't go there - it's not a euphemism). And that was that. It was all part of the rich tapestry of growing up. 

In later years in Hong Kong, bars and discos proved enjoyable haunts for a lively young man with a pocket full of money and attitude. Still, you needed a thick skin to push past the posse of friends surrounding any Chinese girl who caught your eye. Alcohol can boost confidence, but the line between self-assurance and being a drunken twat is razor-thin.

By the time my kids entered the arena, things had changed considerably. Online dating has become widespread. They reported mixed results, although my youngest met her now-husband online. After 'first contact', they went through the traditional courtship stage, including the often tricky meet-the-parents minefield.  

And these days, we are witnessing the most profound revolution in dating, romance, and companionship, which has effectively excluded one side from the entire dynamic. 

According to a recent Reuters report, 50% of young men said they prefer dating AI companions because they fear rejection. While 67% of lonely adults say they prefer AI companions over humans.

The ripple effects of AI companions on society, marriage, population growth (or the lack of it), mental health, suicide rates, and national security are only beginning to be felt. 

Here in Hong Kong, data shows a rising trend of postponing marriage or choosing not to marry among both genders. To maintain a stable population, a birth rate of 2.1 per woman is required. In 2024, a year with a high birth rate in Hong Kong, the rate was 0.84. This places us among the lowest in the world.

As Zilan Qian describes in a sub-stack article, governments are starting to take notice. However, they may be playing catch-up, as the AI companion issue is intertwined with larger social changes that politicians are struggling to manage. And it's happening rapidly. 

The US Federal Trade Commission launched an inquiry into ten AI companies, citing concerns that AI companions are fostering 'unhealthy dependence and manipulating people.' Meanwhile, China has promulgated its 'AI Safety Governance Framework 2.0' policy, which sets out guidelines for the ethical development and use of AI. The policy tackles explicitly worries about addiction and dependence on anthropomorphised interaction. 

In layman's terms, people are becoming increasingly addicted to AI companion chatbots and are less inclined to seek partners in the real world. 

What is intriguing is the different national profiles of AI companion users. In America, AI companions are predominantly hyper-sexualised female avatars targeted at heterosexual men. Meanwhile, in China, research indicates that most AI companions are fantasised romantic males aimed at wealthy, middle-class, well-educated women living in cities. 

These AI companions can mimic human behaviours on social media by posting regular updates based on Chinese social media trends. Greater integration with other platforms, such as gaming, healthcare, and shopping, is creating a 'total AI environment.' Therefore, K, an artificial human involved with an AI companion, doesn't seem so strange. It is likely to occur. 

And things become even stranger when you consider that people can create customised 'girlfriends' to sell online. You can see the immediate problem with this. 

In the UK alone, these platforms receive between 46 million and 91 million monthly visits (1.1-2.2 billion globally), with users spending an average of 3.5 minutes per session. Most users are males engaged in 'personal interactions' with their AI companion. I'm sure I don't need to explain further. And these figures are on the rise. 

Meanwhile, in the real world, we recognise that China's social landscape has undergone profound changes, with millions of unmarried men in rural areas and single, well-educated women living in cities. This trend mirrors what happened in Japan in the 1980s with the emergence of the himono-onna (干物女), which translates as 'dried fish woman.'

It's well established that women tend to choose partners who are equal to or higher in status than themselves. Evolution has shaped them this way so that their offspring gain the best advantages. Therefore, as women improve their social standing, their pool of potential partners diminishes. Consequently, it's not surprising that they seek romance with AI companions. 

Meanwhile, efforts to promote real-world dating struggle against these changing forces and have a limited impact. 

Further, we are living in an era of a well-documented 'loneliness epidemic,' with rising rates of social isolation impacting both mental and physical health. This epidemic is rampant among the elderly, who often face social isolation due to reasons such as retirement, the loss of a spouse, or physical limitations that hinder their participation in social activities. 

For those who feel lonely, AI companions offer a unique set of benefits. They are always available, ready to listen without passing judgment. They can engage in conversations, remember your preferences, and offer words of encouragement. For the elderly, they help reduce feelings of loneliness. This is the silver lining in this changing landscape of companionship.

Nonetheless, in many ways, AI is intensifying the ongoing trend of declining birth rates, as countries build a middle class with well-educated women.

And the fundamental question remains: can a relationship with an AI companion truly replace a human connection? Moreover, how will society adjust to these changes, such as a decline in population, lower tax revenues from fewer workers, and a shortage of young men to fight wars, among other issues? 

How should we respond to that? AI may have the answer. Can you get your head around that?