Reflections on recent events, plus the occasional fact
free rant unfiltered by rational argument.
Uproar at Buckingham Palace! HRH Colonel John Flogg-Bottom Smyth apologised for attending the Christmas Royal lunch in his Panzer Mark IV - ‘Old Bertha’. ‘Flogg-my-bottom’, as he is known in Royal circles and to the boys of Harrow’s fifth-form, issued the following statement,
“Mein Gott, had I known that Angela Meerkat was present I’d have left ‘Bertha’ at home. I apologise.”
The Internet was quick to point out it was inappropriate and insensitive for ‘Bertha’ to be out in cold weather, given that precarious state of the tank designed in 1939.
Colonel Flogg-Bottom is no stranger to controversy. In 2010, while leading his regiment, he accidentally invaded Poland. “Poor map reading, old boy” was the explanation as he marched his men through Warsaw.
The Colonel has a clouded history. He is believed to be the product of a liaison between Prince Phillip and Countess Von Trapp of Austria. At Eaton, Flogg-Bottom earned a reputation for helping the poor by allowing them to polish his shoes. Meanwhile, he employed two street urchins to carry his umbrella while out for a run. However, he once beat a boy to death for being ‘middle-class’. Charges were dropped against Colonel Flogg-Bottom because he went to college with the Director of Public Prosecutions.
Sir Roger Fitzpatrick, the Queen’s spokesman, and Meghan Markle are unavailable for comment.
Walter De Havilland is one of the last of the colonial coppers. He served 35 years in the Hong Kong Police.